Being military spouses we like to think we are more aware of the changes
in our daily lives since so much can be at stake. Yet here lately this seems to be on the
contrary whether by coincidence or intentional avoidance. Why don’t some wives step up and ask for
advice or guidance from others when their husbands have changed since being
overseas and others do? For those who
actually do notice a change but don’t say anything; the only reasoning I can think
of is that the ‘weak-minded’ stigma associated with asking for assistance the
service members typically have is bridging over to the spouses.
In war time decades ago a complete stranger could easily look at a person
and tell that one: they were in the service and two: whether they were ‘shell
shocked’ or ‘just not quite right’ after being overseas. The era and circumstances were different but yet
some things are still the same. I’m not
saying everyone who goes to on a MEU, embassy duty, training unit or overseas
deployment will come back with nightmares or internal moral conflicts but sometimes
these kinds of work-ups do take their toll on even the toughest service
members.
My main point of this article is ‘if you think you could use guidance
or when in doubt; just ask’! It doesn’t
have to be a trained therapist but if your spouse doesn’t seem the same maybe
bring it up to a close friend in casual conversation. If they think what you’ve experienced in your
spouse sounds off continue to seek answers.
Talk to others in your military family, the family readiness team, the
chaplain or the local military support group members; whoever can relate and
understand because they can help you work through this. You’re their advocate and if you won’t fight
for them who will? You can help define
their happiness in the present that will in turn positively shape the outcome
of their future. For the safety and
sanity of your family ladies please seek guidance from others if nothing more
than to ease your stress and uncertainty.
He may not want to talk about what’s bothering him with you and that’s
okay, please do not take it personally.
It’s completely natural to want to shield those you love from unnecessary
worry, stress and emotions if they think they’ll be able to internally work
through this. Sometimes just being around
good role models of his unit, others who have deployed with him, his higher
ranking officers, ect can give him some solid advice on how to proceed with his
thoughts and dreams. If they are stumped
they know to lead him and you to those individuals who can better assist with
the situation. There is assistance out
there for those who seek it. I hate to
say the word help because most think they’re bothering others or a burden on
them but don’t think that way.
Don’t attempt to force anything onto your spouse at all or even to say
you understand what they’ve been through just be there to listen and love them
through it all. There’s no quick fix or
magic pill to make someone forget what they’ve done or seen but there are
people all over this country ready and willing to just be at your service and
guide you back to your norm. These folks
want you and your husband to have the best possible relationship and in order
to do that you have to make that sometimes very hard first step of making a
phone call or going into an office to make an appointment but having an open
heart to letting someone guide you back to your normal or a new normal is the
ultimate goal.
